i like to chew it, chew it

lucia stop lurking

okay so ive let this slide again, been fucking so busy in the run up to the end of the year and its not letting up either. but we'll go back as far as i can.
went to lucias show at the police station with danielle. didnt meet her mum. saw phil and amy there and had a chat with lizzie and met that boy toby who was nice. it was fun. came home.
saturday me and alex and cat got the train back to cambridge, went to a siiiiiick warehouse full of stacks and stacks of books. it was expensive but i live that shit. then had tea with madelaine and oliver and then went to see MORRISSEY. oh my fuck so so so good. literally amazing. was in the pit and that, was mad dope. he is god.
sunday lucia phoned and we had a chat then i had lunch and got the train home. not sure that happened the next few days, probably school and working on anarchists and stuff.
wednesday was at school and then mid evening got the DLR out to trinity buoy wharf for the 2nd year arts cluster show. went on my own cos i had to go early but ran into sam and he showed me round and we had a laugh. it was good, some of it was amazing, some of it wasnt really. glad i made the trek though. but then i had to miss lucia just in order to get to the gaff in time to see Defiance, Ohio. arrived and went for a wee, didnt see anyone, then when i came back out pj and gaby were playing and literally from the first song i felt so good. completely reminded my why i love punk and made me feel abit shit that there are certain scenes and people that i've sort of fallen off of late. need to remedy. so yeah, they were amazing and so so good with full band. then got a drink and saw jasssssssss briefly and lydia and watched apologies i have none for the first time ever (seriously, where have i been) then in the break spent £7 on zines from the microcosm stall and read abit then watched Madeline who was really really nice but didnt play my fave and then defiance ohio who were fucking rad. it was rammed but amazing. accidentally touched edds leg which was embarrassing but all good. made me fully posi. but then after all that it was like half an hour over so i had to hurry to get the tube back south. saw tommy and said hello but had to run so probably looked really rude. read an issue of Doris on the way back which was rad.
next day had school probably and then got a lift with dan in the evening to stag and dagger which was gooood. we got our shit and then went to 93 feet east to see Teeth and i thought i saw sophie penrose which was weird. they were good though, drummer shreds. then we headed across to vibe bar and watched the end of an experiment on a bird in the test tube and then the mae shi, who ive slept on so hard but were fucking AMAZING. so much fun. danced and lolled and they put a big tent into the crowd for one song and then had a stage invasion at the end. so so dope. then after that we wandered down to see white denim and cos we had fancy "i am a celeb" passes we walked right in everywhere despite massive queues. watched them for abit then got bored and got chips and went home. was sick though.
then stayed at lucias and the next day we didnt get up til 7pm. which was abit whoops. and really bad. but it was okay cos i needed to stay up late in order to go see danielle play her first of many spectacular gigs.
got the bus out to 12bar and met them all, dan and fi and koulla and hannah and kate. then jimi was there so had a chat with him and watched him play. spoke to jon briefly. jimi was rad and did his dead kennedys cover. then jon & danielles band was well good. i really enjoyed it. the drumming was spectacular. then we said our goodbyes as it was like past 2 in the morning and thats mental. met lucia on her way back from the slade degree show and said bye to jimi and got the bus home to sleep city.
theres nothing written in my planner diary for the next three days which means i cant remember it. i was probably drawing and stuff. god knows really. but on tuesday i had a tutorial then in the evening got the tube to camden and met dan to see black lips and mika miko at the electric ballroom. heard some lol shit on the train there. watched some shit band and then danced to mika miko who were amazing as per. then hung out and i saw lizzie briefly and then we watched a bit of black lips before parting and going home. was dope. black lips are actually pretty good. next day had school all day and hung at fez's for lunch with flo and miz and chloe and alice. had another rad drawing session in the afternoon with peter about drawing heads. was really really good. i was getting phonecalls and texts throughout though which made it stressful. alex wanted me to come and helpout on the wild beasts shoot on thurs but hayley had text me saying some boy was coming to look at the house at 5 so i should meet him. wild beasts was 6.30-9 so i had to reorganise the viewing, text kayleigh to see if she could come aswell, find out when lucias show finished and try not to leave alex stressing about help for too long. in the end it was sorted and i said id go and hopefully be back to lucias show.

so had an early night then was up at 5.30 and at alex's loading the van at 6.30. me him and graeme picked up jokim or whatever and loaded in all the lights and camera and track and dolly shit from the gallery and then drove the hour or so to the studio in essex with alex lounging in the back of the van. unloaded, set everything up for the tank, i set up all the food then the band arrived so i made tea & coffee for all them and the crew and the tank specialists then we started shooting the stuff in the tank. i was pretty busy getting people and controlling bubbles and making sure people didnt die and fetching towels and cables and shit. everyone was really nice though so it was okay, and the time passed quickly because i was super busy. felt like a day had already gone by by midday though. hayden took ages in the tank because we were lipsynching double-speed (he was amazing at this) so had to shoot alot. madness. it looked fucking AMAZING though, ill put a link up when its out in the world. then we breaked for lunch, got the tank out, the band all had showers and shit, set up the reflection pool for the afternoon. benny had to go for 6 so we got him in makeup and then shot his stuff first. i had to control the ripples haha and get people and to playback. so we ran through all the members like that with instruments mid, closeup and relected then did some final silhouette stuff and it was 8.00pm. jesus. so then said by to everyone and we loaded back up and drove back to london. got in at ten and couldnt make it to brick lane in time for lucias so i had something to eat at my sisters and then collapsed into bed. so knackered. fun though.

so then today slept forever, jess came home, biked to sams to meet this boy who wants the room. he was abit weird and a nerd but if it comes to it he can have it. biked home. need to do this presentation tonight and have an intense shower. jeeeez. rad. xx

yo, totally sorry its been an epic time since i last wrote something. life has been insane. ive been super busy but relatively super happy so thats all good. livejournal never gets updated when life is rad. so basically;
-err----- so, i went to the marathon? did i mention that? that was dope. saw gordon rammo and jordan and -peter in happier times. had vegan pizza at strada with my parents.
-went to see beirut with danielle and chloe. oh dear lord his face. his face. it was so so amazing.
-had a barbecue and it was dope. fairly. loads of people didnt come so i felt abit shit but we sorted the house and sammy and hayley and phil and amy and jess and meg and flora and alex and jonny all came so it was pretty chill in the end. good dudes good times.
-zine symposium. was awesome, saw plenty of rad guys i hadnt seen in a long old time. money-wise wasnt amazing but for the crack it was all good.
-what else? oh shit, we had a fucking exhibition at the bunhouse haha. thats where all the times gone, literally spent 10-9 for about a week working on it and then actually building it was 4 days of 11-11. fuck working pub hours man, shit was wild. the private view was really nice though, lots of good people and tutors seemed pleased. the pub was super depressing but by the end we all had a soft spot for it i think. taking it down tomorrow except fingers crossed ill be in cambs seeing morrissey.
-must've been something else? things with lucia are really really good. i feel like we're really settling into something now which is really nice. might meet her mum later. and last night she said she thinks she might be falling in love with me. what more do i need really? going to her show later, hopefully with phil.
-jess has gone to sweden today which is nuts, shes sacking off school for real. went to deptford with danielle this morning then spent the whole day at school making a flyer for another of lucias hundreds of shows. its shit but its done. now im hungry.

i must've done more than this...?

yesterday was a good/weird day. here is is summed up in changes to facebook;







yes that is chris hannah of propagandhi. yes that is a fat scally boy i went to school with (and definitely didn't kiss) and yes, that is lucia, who i've known verging on ten years. crikey.

today i climbed up a drainpipe and knocked on phils window to scare him and he was on his bed watching his laptop with his top off.

it was very funny.

i also sat in the sun alot and wrote fuck all of my essay.

yo. so, being home was fun. went to the cinema with my mum. the next day me and flora went to the portland in the evening and saw some super 8 films which was kind of cool. she brought along a boy named robert (maybe?) who she was crushing on who was nice. then afterwards i came home and watched The Wire (which shreds) and then talked to lucia on the phone for like 3 hours. dope.
friday took my bike back to london on the train. read loads and got abit annoyed but only because most humans who get trains are pricks. in the evening went down to the boot but missed the fucking bouncy castle! hung with some dudes but mostly hung with chris and flora and bethany. after a bit us three bailed and got stopped by the po-po and went into town to the maypole and saw martin and alexi and some other tits. then got a lift back about half one ish. chill.
saturday got the coach back which was semi dope. then danielle came round which was dope then i biked to sams house and we hung and then me and him and emma and jonny and hayley went to brixton to see 50 dead men walking which was shit and then came back and i biked home. was excited for sunday because it was meant to be me and lucia hangout time promised, so i got up and text her at like 10.30 and she didnt reply til i tried to phone her like an hour later saying her and rachel had just got up so shed let me know. i went to sainsburys, came back, had lunch, watched tv. was so fucking bored, so at about 2 decided to bike to the park. asked my sister and alex if they wanted to come chill but they didnt. eventually lucia text me at about 3.30 and finalllly came to the park. i was sort of annoyed when she wasnt there but i guess she didnt realise i had to leave at about 7 so she figured we'd be hanging out all night aswell. but... we werent. so we hung in the park then jess phoned and we went and let her in and then priya came back so we were all chilling. then walked lucia home and went to pick up alex and we got the bus to propagandhi.

they were so so so dope. new stuff was amazing live for real, the whole place was an epic pit and they had the dude from black widow play with them. was so nuts. i got pretty sweaty and shit but it was rad for defs. then on the way back me and alex bonded talking about anarchism and veganism and drinking supermalt and about how hes going to inherit farms and possibly become a fucking farmer! which is amazing. went to my sisters for some late night tea then lucia rang and we had a brief rendevouz outside my house saying hello then goodbye.

monday, got up, or rather was woken up by jess. hung with her and pribox then went to school, went to the library, came back. did abit of my essay. was excited cos i thought it was hayleys birthday barbecue but i got the day wrong. so me and jess and priya and lucia were all gonna roll up but now its friday. so instead me and lucia (hopefully) and phil are going. so, yeah, danielle came round while i discovered this which was dope, we shared each others pain, then lucia was like 'lets hangout anyway' but she was at chelsea bar and rachel was apparently in a state so she text me saying she probably wasnt going to make it. i was kind of annoyed but more at rachel than lucia. lucias just too lovely and never says no to people. but anyway, had a shit night in with jess instead and then as i was essaying lucia rang saying she'd been locked out and could she possibly stay round. obvs i said okay. so she did and then got locked in the toilet and then we had a lovely night. got up super early this morning and parted and i went to school. got our timetables, had lunch with alice and miz and flo. saw sam. had a meeting inwhich i nearly fell asleep, saw a fire, came home. essayed. hung with phil. watched telly. listened to jess and priya have takeout and sex and the city times without me. those fucks.

tomorrow writing loads of my essay as really ive done fuck all today. then thursday school. friday school and barbecue with luciaaaa. then saturday essay/march for animals in labs. sunday marathon times. monday essay/dinner with daisy. tuesday school/daisys private view. then do loads of external work, make a zine. fucking die. shit.

i got a bike yesterday. his name is big ben and he is a little teeny bit big for me which is making me abit frightened and not as excited as i normally would/should be. but so far ive only ridden him up to the cinema and then home from town so we'll see. ill get used to it im sure. probably bike to lucias and back and the portland and back before i go back to london so... hmm. can always get a better one and try and shift it if all else fails. but the main point is, ive got a fucking dope bike. yesss.

monday i went round lucias and it was lovely. she said 'i like you and i like this but..' but its all good, realistically i dont know what my problem is with the situation. ive got everything anyway. so basically we are together but without the girlfriend/boyfriend tag. which is okay. she said that up until just before christmas she had always really wanted to be with someone and now was totally fine being on her own and doing her own thing, and that if we were to be in a relationship it might shit that up. which is totally fair i think, and also she is worried about the amount of time we can spend together because she is always super super busy in london and thinks it might not be fair on me if im waiting around for her all the time, or on the flipside that me and her will be together all the time to the detriment of her and her friends. which again is totally fine. i really have nothing to complain about, she likes me back, she is amazing and we're still going to hang out as much as possible. i can settle with not changing my facebook status for a bit.

so yeah, spent the day at hers monday then yesterday went into town with flora, had lunch, bought a bike, cycled around then sat in the picturehouse for ages talking shit. saw christian aswell briefly which was rad. today i started writing my essay SIKE and am going to the cinema with me mam in a bit. then see what lucias doing tonight or tomorrow then in the eve go to the portland with flora then friday take my bike back, go to kerrys birthday then saturday go back to london, maybe amersham for hannas birthday then sunday do something and then propagandhi. score x

yo. i'm home and it suuuuucks. its okay really, i am exageratting as per usual. i am just totally greasy and fully gross so maybe its for the best ive not seen lucia yet. its saturday and i came home thursday. the house is all over the place, im in the spare room and its whack. my stuff is nowhere accessible. the bathroom is like a hotel. thursday i just chilled then friday debbie came round for lunch and we ate then they went off to the beer festival and i stayed home and drew durritti. was meant to go get a bike with flora but it was shut and raining so didnt bother. we all went to this curry place for dinner which was totally dope. i had this mad potato curry in a massive totally vegan pancake and the guy took the piss out of me. whatever mate. then i got a lift to floras and hung with her and kerry &matt and gemma and lizzie which was good then after abit chris and martin and alexi came which was rad. it was a full on lolfest just busting the tunes, watching youtube and hanging out. martin was drunk. it was really really nice hanging out with them again and when martin & chris were smoking outside it was quiet and you could hear their conversation but they obviously thought you couldnt and martin said 'its really cool hanging out with pete again' which was rad. i love those guys and told them so. chris gave me a lift home at about 5am. wild.

today got up midday and have generally lounged. talked to lucia earlier and she was saying shes confused and is sorry for being rubbish and stuff. not going to lie as purely lame as it is ive had facebook up for most of the night waiting for her to come online. im gonna see her monday but obviously i cant wait and want to ride over tomorrow and see whats up. we just keep having like a week of really good when i think its all panning out and then something comes along and its like a week or two of no contact. like before when she said she was confused so i backed off and didnt talk to her for a week and christmas and now its been like 2& ahalf weeks with geneva and barca etc. i guess just ive been itching to see her and thought it would be straight away and shes been off living and its like we've not ben apart. i dunno man i just want her to fancy me. we'll see anyway. its not a big deal there is just LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE for me to do here. ive already finished one book and read the entirety of another and now im down to my history of anarchism which, while rad, is abit heavy going and hardly a light read.

oh & tomorrows easter and i have bought no-one any eggs or cards or what. could make some cards now but i havent really got any materials. blah blah blah whatever. i am posi honestly, last night was fucking rad im just far too bored x

i've left this wayyy too long so now i've got a bucket load of shit to update. boringg.

last last weekend went to Yes Way at auto italia. saw some rad bands, saw owen and met some of his mates. felt pretty ill so didnt converse loads. saw jo and hayley and timmo which was good. went home after graffitti island but it was dope. then sunday went back, saw owen again, hung out alot, watched some more dope bands, saw ele and spoke to her. talked to kate collins aswell which was weird. went home early again cos i was knacckkeedd. good times though but as usual hanging out on my own exclusively was kind of whack.

monday was dope cos danielle came round and hooked me up with the american goss. then i didnt do much work and in the evening meg came round and had a cuppa and watched hollyoaks. then when she left julia came back, cooked a meal for some dude and then banged him dead loud all night. that shit was fully gross man, the wall between my room and hers is a door made of paper. basically. whatever though. next day nothing much happened but i went to goldsmiths in the evening for the g20 planning meeting with rory and the rest of the autonomy and solidarity crew. was cool meeting everyone. came home and julia had already gone which was weird.
wednesday got up at the crack and met the goldsmiths lot and got the bus to london bridge. saw sandy and changed the plan from joining the march to the bank of england to joining the climate camp swoop. so we went up to whitechapel and hung out in the park getting boozed listening to tina our ghetto blaster. with about 15 minutes to go we went down to freedom for a piss then ran through bishopsgate to join in the party. it was totally sick, everyone was setting up tents, we rolled through blaring the tunes and set up shop on top of a bus shelter. danced and lolled. spotted the police trying to cordon us all in so we tried to rally everyone to hold them back. formed a chain and broke through one of their lines but as they moved round to the other side of the road there was abit of a standoff and sandy got arrested for blocking a public highway and then in the attempted de-arrest jim also got nicked. was bullshit. we had to disperse in the crowd as the police were actively seeking out our group. we figured nothing else would be happening at climate camp so slowly left in ones and re-grouped, gave statements to the legal observers and wandered through bishopsgate & shoreditch, again blaring the tunes and some more drunk than others. we got to the squatted convergence centre and headed to the roof for some summer tunes, to chill out and re-convene & plan our next move. after abit we headed down stairs and split into 2, one group heading to RBS and us lot going to UEL to occupy the building for the alternative summit.

got the tube and DLR and walked fucking miles but eventually got there an hour late. couldnt see anything happening and some guy told us it was planned for 6. we went to asda and by the time we were back everyone was pissed off because there was no attempt to occupy anywhere, it was all fucking trotsky swp cunts doing speeches outside. we bailed hard. some went back to the squat but me and rory and alan headed back south.

had some food then headed to hermits for flos birthday. went to taste london and hung out with steph and eloise before everyone arrived. flo came and said happy birthday etc, spoke to alice & miz and chloe and stuff then when jord arrived and everyone headed back to flo and ians i walked with them then got the bus home and collapsed. so tired.

thurs dunno what i did. friday i think i went into central. yeah went to deptford then central. lucy came home. did some work. saturday had a meeting for the external group proj at jordans which was cool. such a nice day. then walked to cats and hung out with her and alex in the park then had tea at hers and watched scrubs. came home and did a bit of work. sunday same really. monday me and jordan went to the bank and then auto italia to try and get a space for the exhibition. not looking good. then i came home before heading back into central to meet danielle and see the louise pomeroy exhibition which was rad. then we headed to lydias and rory came and we made a pie which took forever but it was good times with good dudes. then got the bus home and i went to bed. yesterday went to the post office, called my mum and did some work. today got up and did some work. tomorrow fucking GOING HOME, then scanning and sending my competition bullshit off. then friday hopefully seeing some rad dudes, getting a bike and heading to floras. TIGHT X

yo, loads and loads to update but ill keep it short & sweet. when shall we start? i guess ill fill you in on the lucia situ as that its whats always at the forefront of my mind. it is basically phenominally rad. i bailed on edds party after spending the whole day out at deptford, chazzas with emma, the cuming museum, drawing at school, handing in the exhibition etc and lucia came round after wherever she'd been and stayed over which was lovely. saturday i entirely bailed on, went back to bed and woke up when it was dark. oof. then went to miriams birthday which was nice but i was knacked. sunday... something happened. cant really remember. jesus this isnt going to work. ill jump around abit.

had school most of the time. monday was there all day then went to see the exhibition at arts bar which was looking amazing. saw hayley and kate and they said them and sam were going to the comedy night at amersham so i went from the exhibition to that and had some lols then went to lucias and developments happened and it was really posi. she smoked a cigarette out her window. tuesday i was late for school but didnt realise then hung out with meg and did some work. wednesday had a lecture and an epic essay seminar which was good but i need to start doing it for real. thursday was a mission, went to central, rushed to hand my stuff in for the rotating gallery exhibition in the bar and then went off to chelsea to see the show in the triangle space. saw luciaaa and that was all and then rushed back to our private view to see my sister. hung with her and then alex and graham and then julian and his girlfriend. then they went off and phil came so hung with him and meg. saw sammy etc. then miz and alice and flo and samuel after we went to get chips and then phil went home and i was sitting with alice and miz and eliza and lucia came which was lovely. jord was drunk. gemma was a knob. spoke to paddy who was drunk. everyone went home except me and lucia and buster who was trying to get in with her but obvs that didnt happen and she kissed me at the bus stop. she was drunk so we spent the night having legit conversation and it was so so good. drugs and girls and school and shit. increds. then friday headed to the zine fair at school and was knacked but sold some stuff and hung out and made friends with ollie and a boy from graphics and some of the first years. went home dead on six as was completely tired and crashed out at home. saturday cant really remember what i did if anything. oh totally missed our external project building but went to lucias in the evening before she went out to hang out with matilda and laura and naomi and whatnot. which was cool and chilled. and then said goodbye forever cos shes off to geneva and barca. sunday me and cat went home for mothers day and spent the whole time dismantling beds and ripping up carpets and heavy heavy lifting. then came home.

monday had building round miriams and then fez's and then wrote the email trying to get the actual exhibition space. went round emma and chloes in the evening and hung out with sammy then came home and made an epic vegan roast which was siiiiick. tuesday pretty much the same, building at miriams, then lunch, then building at school then chinese and watching films at emmas for her birthday. eagle vs shark then darjeeling limited then jesus camp + many lols and good times. ate a bit of egg though. fuck. then today was more building at school except i was hideously late and then came home and watched un chant d'amour which was good and another short film and i just watched a woman under the influence by cassavettes which was fucking awesome.

tomorrow, more building plus julias cooking us dinner cos lucys going home. everyones gone home now so im pretty bored and need to do work. im gonna read loads, draw loads, watch loads of films, get up early and go out, hang at my sisters, hang out with meg, write postcards and eat well. that is my plan. and flippn see danielle yeah. then home to cambridge once works done and partys and bikerides to lucias house and good times and then back for propagandhi and yet more "real life". and a fucking essay. shit. xxxx

lots to report as i've had a fun filled and hectic few days.
friday was so dope -got up at quarter to 8 and went to deptford. got some nicely illustrated kids books, presents for miriam and a 7" box. walked back home and hung out til about midday then got the bus to central to meet jo. went to hmv and picked up my propagandhi tickets then went to v&m and had some delish vegan burg & chips. afterwards went to frith street tats to talk over my chaddy tattoo. bad news. they were really nice and thought it was mental but the photo i wanted was too dark and he said it'd be about £150-200 which is OUCH at the moment. and it wouldnt be til june so im abit put off. we'll see. so that was good, then we had abit of a wander and went back to hers and played with her RABBIT! so so little. then we ate tea and hung with kee and ava and watched youtube then headed to stoke newington to see wavves. we missed mazes and the place was totally sick, an old fire station with kids school benches & shit. watched pens who were pretty good. india was there! which was weird as me and ava had talked about her earlier. then wavves played who were fucking awesome! so so good. then we all got the bus and at ldn bridge i went off to peckham to kirstys party. on the walk fucking saw two lads with a gun! so phoned lucia and got the directions and headed sharpish. got there about midnight. saw jon on the way in and chatted to him for abit then found lucia and hung with her and rachel and elizabeth for abit, then pete and adam arrived and shortly after sammy and kate and hayley and johnathan so i mostly hung with them out and around, in between sammy and johnathan hooking up. so sweet. talked to meg for abit, fucking paddy talked to me about doing a split zine but well see if he emails me, unlikely. saw lucia briefly here and there but shes popular so its to be expected. there were some old drug dealers there, about 4 of them and pretty late on when sam was pretty wasted one of them offered us something and sam went NAAHHHH MATE. bloke got arsey and started talking shit about him and punched him in the leg. few of the boys were talking about getting them all to fuck off. then johnathan disappeared and i went to find lucia but seen johnny arguing with this twat on the stairs and the bloke kicked off, started pushing stuart and ele and rosie and shit then him and johnathan started on the stairs. he ended up pushing johnny and i was next to him so had to push them apart and shit. ridic. eventually one of the other dealers told him to stop being a twat and they went downstairs. utter cunts. went and hung out with lucia for abit and she introduced me to her mates then after abit everyone was leaving and sammy & co were off so i said i'd go with. said bye to lucia and we were getting abit close. she said to text her when i got home so i did saying that i had a totally sick time and wouldve maybe like to kiss her and she said she thought the same thing and then that i should've tried. yep.
ssaturday - obvs slept for forever cos didnt get in til half 4 ish. got up and hung out and wrapped miz's present and ate tea then headed to amersham. hung with clo and emma and hayley & kate before the birthday girl arrived. mostly hung out with those all night, talked to alice briefly. was totally rad though but sam was so tired haha he sort of drained everyone. went home about half 2 ish and crashed.
yesterday -got up at quarter to 8 again and went to the shop to wake myself up. bought private eye and lolled over breakfast. did some drawings and shit. the new propagandhi cd came on saturday so ive been moshing the shit out of that all weekend. so hard. ate lunch, did work, etc then about quarter past three went down to the castle and met emma and hayley and saw XXY at the rainbow screens thing. was really good and it was so nice just chilling out on a sunday afternoon. might get involved every sunday. walked back, did abit more work, had tea, watched She's The Man. finished Guantanamo Boy (which was alright) and went to sleeep.
-today just had school, hand ins, meetings, hang outs, drawing, etc. pretty chilled. need to do some stuff for tonight & tomorrow but im hoping i can squeeze in some legit hangout time with someone and not die before easter. ext project, exhibition, zine fair, competition, anarchists. yikes. x

yo. about two weeks worth of shit to report and i've been out and about so prepare yourself.

last tues -went to see wild beasts in the eve which was siiick. had had a fairly good day with my feedback tutorial and shit with luke and got my mark. 80% which is a high 2:1. which i suppose is good because i still feel like im producing total shit work so hopefully when i really get into it and make some lush drawings then ill be king of university. wild beasts was rad, the day before we were all round flo & miz's and watched labyrinth which was sick. wild beasts are sick and it was a laugh for real, then got the bus and chips with the liverpool contingent and went home
weds - cannot remember. probably something good
thurs - in the evening it was the twins birthday so i went down to the amersham and celebrated with them. was a really nice night and after amersham shut we headed back to samuels and hung out for awhile until flo and hanna had an argument and everyone felt awkward and went home. didnt go to off modern because it was half 2 by the time i left samuels so no real point.
fri- went to school and hung out with chie and some others then in the evening quickly popped into the 1898 show at the bar then went home. i cant really remember much else. probably watched a film or summat.
sat- went to deptford with my sister which was nice. got a book and a sabbath LP and we went to the carraige for lunch cos i hadnt had no breks. had a sick veeg fryup and laughed at some kids. then went to sainsburys and got bare good food and a new toaster which so far no one has thanked me for. cunts. went round cats and playe dwith tiff for a bit then came home and priya was entertaining that twat who does photog and was in my elective. i forget her name. she stayed for literally the entire night and i am fairly sure invited herself round in the first place. knob. i watched some short films and ate some sweet shit.
sun- went to greenwich with lucia which was nice. didnt buy owt but that is a good thing definitely. we jst hit the market and then she had to head off to bar story for rachels birthday. i came and watched a documentary called The Fog of War which was really interesting. essentially a feature length interview with the secretary of defence during the vietnam war. then i fell asleep (whoops) and later had tea and watched No End In Sight which is brutal in its analysis of how the invasion of iraq was handled. literally amazing film i definitely recommend it.

monday - i slept virtually all day and didnt go to school whoops.
tuesday - in the morning had a meeting with pete about the four corners competition which was okay, feeling good about my choice of story just need to produce the work now. after that had a really long lunch with miriam then sat in the book room not doing work and talking to Alice for a good few hours. then jord was about for abit then i went home and watched telly with priya all night which was lolz.
wednesday- had to literally run to make a lecture from David Foldvari which was definitely worth it. pure dude. and his work is totally sick. then after that hung out for abit in the cant with chloe and alice and emma and flo and iz and then went to the mural for a day of painting. which was alot of fun. i finished my raindrops and started on a giraffe cos i promised flora i would paint her one. dont tell anyone else though. after abit went home and hung out til getting the bus to chelsea and meeting lucia and rachel. hung out for abit then got the tube up to old street and met matilda and pete (rachels love interest) and then went to catch cos they were playing the fall all night. was a really nice night. was abit shit talking to pete because neither of us really took the reigns of the conversation but i spoke to matilda alot more than i had before and shes totally sick. and obviosuly hanging with lucia is always rad, we shared shoplifting stories. after abit we got the last 78 home and me and rachel had a bit of a goss about jess and lucy as i escorted her to nunhead station.
today- literally got up at cock oclock cos im a knob. went to school and did a few shit drawings while messing with emma til the meeting at 4 about our exhibition. sounds sick and im looking forward to it. also ive been volunteered to DJ at the private view so that should be good hah. i hope theyve got record decks so i can start thinking about what to play. pure cheese no doubt. then after that hung out more in the bookroom. meg might go to berlin so i want to geg in on that shit for real. then lucia text me saying she was in the library so i went down and met her and we had a nice walk home and gossed and shit. after she left i basically did nothing and waited for the knobs in our house to leave (some of julias mates) and then cooked dinner and had a shower and here i am.

tomorrow gonna hopefully get up early, go central, get propagandhi ticket, book tattoo, go to the cuming museum maybe, go to the chazzas, get miriam sommat?!, maybe deptford in the morning, then go round jo's, go to see Wavves, get the bus to peckham and go to kirstys party. woo lucia. then do loads of work at the weekend, pass my course and become a celeb. EASY X

salut. wont bore you too much with the details of what has been a hectic week but maybe i will. its ten minutes to 2 and i need to get up in the morning so who knows, but as its coming up to the third month of 2009 (i know, holy fuckkk) i thought i'd recap my new years resolutions and chart their progress. only because i know i can cross two off already. so here they are.
*go to at least one other country
*kiss at least one other human DUN. me and lucia definitely kissed. if i dont kiss her again or anyone else this year it doesnt matter
*cook at least one good hearty proper meal a week right i have definitely eaten like shit for the past two months but i am going to take the initiative starting this week. today i have eaten fairly well and isys cookbook is going to help. im going to plan meals and buy veg. get it on.
*get at least one (or at least really think about it) more tattoo getting it in easter hols i think before i go back. need to book appointment and find out when said hols are. april? also thinking of 2. although one i already decided against previously so probably wont
*do at least one illustration related job i can be legitimately proud of i can honestly say i am really please with the majority of the anarchists i have already drawn and am really feeling good about it as a project. just as long as i keep the momentum up and finish soon. a few people whose opinion i value have said its the best thing i have done which is sick and jon wanting maybe 100 is fucking unreal. will post pictures on my blog at somepoint soon if you havent seen the progress. but yeah, i could be really proud of it when its done
*visit at least one of my friends in another city (berlin, brighton, etc) this weekend i went and visited flora in brighton. wheeeeyyyyy. still want to go berlin but maybe not alone. priya or meg maybe?
*read way more/watch more filmsi dont know about read more but i am trying to watch more films for sure. need to utilise the library fully, i think i am progressing here and beating my film a week target
*sort the distro out properly and update it at least once every two monthshmm we'll see
*take every opportunity to LIVE LIFEi feel since mine and lucias chat i am actually doing this and being more relaxed in my approach to new people and interjecting etc. the past 2 weeks i have definitely said yes to virtually every offer i've had and i am getting there. progress

*mosh naked to limp wrist

oh and get a job probablyfuck that

yes. so there you go. basically brighton was amazing. saturday with flora was so so lovely. we went to the beach and i had a vegan hotdog and we took our shoes off and went in the sea and talked and gossed and went to some shops and got some sea air and cooked a meal and painted ourselves blue and purple and went to a houseparty and danced. sunday nearly died with the distro and met everyone and there was table faff and everyone else went for a day out and i was abit like oh but then it was okay and by the time i met up with them later i felt much better and we ate at wetherspoons and laughed and then walked along the seafront recounting labyrinth and then got the coach back and i read and truly realised that i am and forever will be a punk. i have had to explain what being a punk is of late as people at art school still think i mean leather jackets and safety pins and hair dye and spitting. no no. but yeah, all you know what i mean and i am one forever. fucking zines man. if i didnt already have one i would get a tattoo to show my commitment.

today slept and ached and cooked and went to flos and watched labyrinth and flight of the conchords and lolled. friday did screenprinting which didnt go well and made postcard sets and little cards. thursday went to the charity shops and bought a load of books which was a bad idea and had a lecture. wdnesday had a lecture from laura savage messiah which was ace! then did (didnt) work in the bookroom. evening i cant remember? tuesday no idea, worked at school and had a briefing. monday bought morrissey and went to the mural and painted. then collected my work from school and bought a discharge record.

this week is heavy and i need to add 'keep up with schoolwork' onto my resolutions. x

yo. so i definitely didnt do anything on wednesday. i just laid in bed til 4 and then bummed around. i went into central thursday though. chie phoned me first thing to ask if her and halu could transform my anarchist drawings into fabric badges. i said sure. they are doing all the work and apparently they will be sold to japan. i feel like its selling out a little too soon. but its nice these anarchists are causing a stir. i drew malatesta today and need to keep shitting them out if im going to have some mock-ups for brighton. im thinking footprint the zine and screen the covers 2 colour at school. solid. hopefully ready for london.

yeah so i went to oxford st and tried to get propagandhi tickets but they werent ready. went to borders and bought XXY on dvd cos i missed it at pogo. have since logged onto gaycamberwell though and seen they do a cinema day at the castle on sundays and are showing it in a few weeks. fucking so many queer film nights! amazing. gutted i missed the last one but it was ma vie en rose and i watched it on google tonight. the rest seems fairly straightforward but im gonna keep an eye on it for sure. went to V&M and got 2 burgers. price rise at £1.49 but they were fucking solid. defo going back every time im in central. ive missed junk food. so ate them on soho square with a totally batshit old lady. then wandered around soho and went to some record shops on berwick st and raided the sales pretty hard. got the new howards alias record, propagandhis last album, a tsjunder cd, a big pun cd, a kylesa record, a mum cd and i think thats it. good though and cheap. then i wandered back and got the bus home. watched a film called We Are the Lambeth Boys about a youth club in kennington in 1959. so good. old docs are rad. the bit where they are driving round westminster shouting "all bus inspectors need a rope around their neck" and "ill sing a song, it wont take long, ALL COPPERS ARE BASTARDS" is gold. then i talked to my mum and when phil came back we went to sams. started snowing on the way. hung out there with kate and chloe and hayley and then jonny turned up then tom and arthur and josh and jon and tom and meg and tash. and ewen and sally. talked to meg and tash for abit and it was a laugh then everyone left so me and phil went too. ive been trying to take what lucia said on board and not just sit around all the time and go out and live and try and be posi and do shit. it feels like im at least having a go.

then this morning i got up and walked to forest hill to get a video player off freecycle. the woman was nice and was painting with her little daughter. she gave me a massive bag of videos as well which are almost all shit. at the very bottom facing the opposite way was a copy of 'The Lovers Guide'. dirty. so i got the bus back and dropped off my shit then headed to school. hung out in the studio then alice and jord and miriam turned up, then chie and we talked over badges stuff and screenprinting. then everyone went and me and chie had an epic talk about anarchism and palestine and that japanese cult who did the gas attacks and india. was sick. then i got the bus home and everyone was out so i watched morrissey on j ross and listened to the interview on radio 2 (which is fucking golden) and am now in bed. need to draw tomorrow. yep. see ya x

i have no actual set school for a couple of weeks and am already feeling at a loss as to what to do. i feel guilty even being up this late. in reality i still have a lot of work to do but it still feels nice to feel a little less stressed out.

i am also feeling much better about the lucia situation. last night we had a very long and beneficial facebook chat. she said some stuff that really got me. and she is completely right. i wallow and expect the worst and feel down on myself way to much. so i am really going to try and do more, push more and be posi. be sociable. try hard. i dont know what will happen but i can try. i am also going to try to eat way better because as i discovered during that 'time' last year, diet is a factor.

this meant i was tired this morning and nearly very nearly missed my assessment deadline. i had to get up, put my clothes on and leave so anyone who encountered my face or breath before noon today i apologise.

i just watched the darjeeling limited and really liked it. also today i watched a david icke dvd and went to the chelsea 2nd year show. yesterday i did a screenprint workshop all day and hung out with emma which was good but im pretty comfortable with her so i think i am quite annoying. whatever. then i went to rat records and spent £21 on needless records. this 'not having school' is going to diminish my bank account.

sunday i went to lucias and to my sisters and spoke to my parents.
saturday i spent the entire day monoprinting for penny dreadfuls.
friday i spent the entire day at school drawing, photocopying, monoprinting. i left at 7.30 and walked to the library house and watched Milk with a packed room. it was good, i shared bourbons and custard creams, rum, tea and apple cake was passed around. and the film was really really good. i think next monday i might go see the documentary about him in greenwich.

thursday we had our presentation which was good. everyone was itching to get it over with and they were running late but i think we will have done pretty well on it. we built a den for christsake, and made a really nice powerpoint where we recorded our voices and parts from our meetings. and the handout jordan and emma made was insane. top marks. i need all the marks i can get come assessment.

tomorrow is the end of break. i need to start work on the anarchist zine ready for brighton, the personal project, possibly comic-related and one of the competitions. also i am hoping to go into central for three reasons;
1. pick up propagandhi ticket
2. buy XXY on dvd
3. go to the 99p vegan burger place in soho

i'd quite like to go with someone but i think im going to take a book and no ipod. night x

oh by the way, apparently there is a photo of my dick on the internet

okay so to elaborate she basically told me she wasnt ready for a relationship with me as there were doubts floating around and it wasnt fair to start something if she was at all unsure. which is fair enough. there was a 'right now' thrown in, so maybe this isnt totally over. im still fairly confused about it but luckily i have a shit ton of work and other stresses so i am not always wallowing around feeling gutted. other than monday, the day after this happened, i haven't seen her at all. and even then it was a wave from a third story window so i dont think the fact i didnt burst out crying is any indication. but i am pretty sure from past experience that i will be happy enough to see her under any circumstances that i'll keep it together. she has text me since with some 'im really sorry' s, which is a death sentence if ever i heard one. and this morning i got a 'can i see you though? just casually?' which i took as 'can we meet up soon' but then thought maybe it was 'see' asin when people who have real dates and relationships do before they are official. asin 'can we acknowledge we like each other and ocassionally kiss when we hang out'. but it was the former. i'll see her tomorrow at the show but hopefully something more substantial than that soonish. i dont know what we'll talk about.

anyway. so thats been on my mind. the snow was amazing but fucked up everything, i missed screenprinting because school was closed, the presentations were moved to tomorrow, as was the chelsea show, so now im missing ladyfest as im at school all day and then have to go see the show. and i am very behind with work. i have tomorrow and friday to finish the 16 drawings ready to photocopy. then the weekend to print them and bind them. and get all the other projects this year up to a suitable standard. i.e-its going to be a disaster.

sunday was good though. i felt pretty shit, and we had a little table and made virtually no money and the guy next to us was a bit of a tit and hardly any of our crew turned up but it was good. the guy from active distribution said he would take maybe 100 copies of my anarchists zine when i print it. which is fucking nuts. so i need to crack on with that during assessment week. and seb was there! which was nuts. and so far ive had 2 emails from people who bought my stuff to say they liked it, which is always amazing.

we've been building our den in the studio these past 2 days. and today i had a tutorial with a comic expert and it made me want to maybe start doing diary comics again. as if i dont have enough work to do. i think it might have just started snowing again.

i want to go see Milk at the queer cinema night at the library house on friday, so if you're south get involved. i hope some good dude comes with. maybe i'll ask lucia. just kidding, its friday night, she has a life. thats harsh, im honestly not mad at her, there is absolutely no reason. she is doing completely the right thing, if she isnt sure then it shouldnt happen. legit. plus i can think of no negative thing to say about her. except maybe sometimes she takes awhile to text back. bless her. its just yet another reminder that the way i approach these things (or simply me in general) -something is quite wrong. maybe from now on i'll just not even try and if someone likes me they can make the fucking move. and if no one does i'll get a cat and a cottage and chill out. i need to wear my retainers tonight, i realised at school my teeth are fucking gross. maybe thats it, either my teeth are shit or i talk about retainers too much.

theres more but i need to get up tomorrow. bye then x

we had a talk. on fucking facebook chat of all things.

could cry.

YES I MADE A PLAYLIST OF DEPRESSING SONGS AND HAVE BEEN SAT IN BED SINCE 9.30 LISTENING TO IT. but i think the fact i have done this reflects that i am not so much a serious sufferer of depression to the point of insanity (that was much earlier) but instead am just wanting to wallow in my own self pity for a bit.

yesterday i spent the whole day at school alone making and copying zines and a new set of anarchist postcards for the zine fair tomorrow. then i came home and watched two films and did not much else. at around 2 in the morning i text lucia saying 'this is really hard' and she text back a couple of times around 3 saying she hadnt been home for awhile and she was sorry and she only just got my texts about the usb stick. i didnt reply (i read them in that midsleep state to be fair) and in the morning i got one that said 'peter??' so i said hello and she asked if id got her texts so i sent a couple back saying yes, its ok and then one about high school musical and saying thanks for the postcard which finally arrived from quatemala. not heard anything back. i started some drawings for school but didnt really succeed. watched a documentary on vivisection but zoned out. couldnt work anymore. listened to records for a solid couple of hours then ate alone and watched a couple of mighty boosh episodes. it reminded me of that umberto eco quote about how there is no author and how he cites the example of watching a funny film when going through personal trauma, you dont find it funny and maybe later when you see it in a normal state you still might not be able to. part way through i went on facebook and saw lucia had been tagged in the off modern photos. i dont really know why but it made me feel completely shit. i didnt expect her to not have a life, or even to have been going a little bit nuts like i have. i dont know what it was. maybe it was the realisation that had i not been a moron who hates going out i might have also gone (hell i got invited) and ran into her. maybe all this shit wouldve been over had that happened. fuck. i dont know what i am gaining by typing this out. i really need to avoid all outlets when im like this. if she had text me at any point tonight i just wouldnt have been able to see her. not like this. fuck. chill out.

so yeah. whatever. zine fair tomorrow. i want this to be done with. i need a break and not a breakdown. dont count on paris is burning on monday either. i think those coming are doing so out of guilt and so many people i invited dont give a shit so whats the point. maybe after lucias show on tuesday things will be sorted. tuesday. i just got excited because a text came through but it was emma. i swear every single person i know has texted me this week. everyone but.

i am a tit

p.s- saturday night alone eating ice cream out of the tub watching dvds. i am a lady.

bad bad bad. im going to write a post about how negative everything is because i did that and everything turned out perfect, then i wrote one about how good shit was and everything turned out rubbish. come on lj gods.

feeling quite bad but its not as bad as i make out. there is still hope. all i want right now is a nap with someone, the ability to draw (been working on a fucking cover and all of them are shit), a working washing machine and something to eat. i will get none of these tonight. bum.

not much to report. yesterday i went round for a chat and now we are leaving each other alone for a little bit. on the walk there i saw a dead fox, in the middle of the road with a pool of fresh blood. it was a premonition. i ran out of film so i ran home to re-load and then went to lucias. i think the fact i did that is more of a premonition.

flippin hungry. i cant believe its only tuesday. so ready for this week to be over. quite want to go to bed for the month. work sucks. x

you'll be happy to know i haven't listened to the Go It Alone album once this week. you could say i've been listening to .... something posi all week (i tried to think of a love song but could only think of 'its raining men', who knows what that means). things are going well.

weds after the last entry me and lucia went for an epic walk which was very nice and then she stayed over and we first-kissed. lovely. then i went to school thursday and did a bookbinding workshop and had a lecture. priya and matilda had their elective thing so me and lucia went along to support. it was actually really really interesting. then me and priya went home and shortly after me and phil went to the bun house to see the performance electives show. sam was leaving as we got there which was nuts but we saw some weird shit. and a fight which was good (it was 'art'), and lucia again which was nice. then we went home. lucia turned up rather drunk and stayed over again which was lovely. then in the morn i had to go to the electives film showing shit. hung with iz and jord and watched jordans film which was AMAZING. then i went home and did some work. boring. ran into alice and she gave me a ladyfest flyer. famous. friday night did nuffin, watched j ross. lucia was at joes party.

sat me mam came down so went to meet her then had a coffee and came back to mine. went round to catherines to see tiffany and then had some lunch in brockley and then took her back. went to asda and was meant to see lucia but she fell asleep. sunday dan came round and we watched the pianist which was really really good. i did some work and hung out with phil then lucia came round and we loled and watched youtube for abit and she went home. today i signed up for screenprinting, got a new passport, spent £50 on punk records, had an external project meeting and did some drawings. week is abit stressful and so is hers, i hope we can hang though.

watch me now be a boring bastard, bye xxxx